10 Facts of Life
1. There is no scenario in which you will benefit from a stranger with paperwork knocking on your door.
2. There is no savory food item that can’t be made at least a little bit better by adding ranch.
3. Spiders are the physical embodiment of hot boiling evil.
4. Naming your son Josiah saves you the trouble of having to tell people that you believe dancing to be a damnable act.
5. There’s nothing douchey about calling someone “Bro”… assuming you’re doing so to mock someone who believes that there’s nothing douchey about calling someone “Bro.”
6. The value of your opinion on a subject is inversely proportional to the number of bumper stickers you have relating to that subject.
7. There are two kinds of people in the world; those who love dogs and soulless freaks.
8. Any statement that begins with “Allow me to interject” will be finished by a prick.
9. There is apparently something special about denim that allows huge groups of people to wear blue pants at the same time without it being weird.
10. When you get in an elevator with a stranger who would otherwise be riding alone, you are riding with someone who hates you.